I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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