I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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