What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
