my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
