This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
