Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
