Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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