Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
