I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
