The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
