I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
