i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
