whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
