i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
