I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
