Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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