My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
