At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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