you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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