I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
