addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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