mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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