You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
