Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
