Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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