I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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