Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
