I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
