dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
