even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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