And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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