If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
