btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
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Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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