Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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