Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
