no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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