absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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