Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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