god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
