Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
