i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
