This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
