i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
