i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
