I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
