I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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