Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
