Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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