Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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