I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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