my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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