What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
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He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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