She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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