If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
