I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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