i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
