This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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