I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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