Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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