i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Shame - the story of my life.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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